Cat Blog 51-The Most Purrfect Video

After years of sitting on my Human servers lap, there it is. The world's most purrfect video.....a video of a cat, playing with a string while jumping in a box. I am mesmerized, and after video is over. I look over at the keyboard, so my Human will play this again and again and again. He is clueless. He just goes on to the next video.
Heartbroken, I struggle to survive.

Cat Blog 50-Cat Day Dreams

Cats, like humans, can day dream. You humans are in for treat today because I have caused my daydream to become real for your one time human consumption. Do not ask how I did it. It does have a connection to spacetime which fuses the three dimensions of space and the one dimension of time into a single four-dimensional manifold. As most intelligent creatures know, spacetime can be used to visualize relativistic effects, such as why different observers perceive where and when events occur differently.... (blah, blah, blah)
I digress, for your viewing pleasure, today I am daydreaming about pizza, tacos and a bossy little black cat named Sheba, (just my type).
Enjoy.

Cat Blog 49-Cats, (not Beyoncé) Run the World

I often ponder about world domination, most cats do from time to time. I do it three or four times day. Dogs are so complacent. Dogs were originally domesticated for their ability to hunt, shepherd and protect, we were never utilitarian (aside from our ability to deter mice) and we have always done that in good "cat time". Humans could have embraced another small species, like badgers or foxes. Cats primed the humans to love them, partly because of our humanoid faces–those big eyes remind them of their own offspring, and because they didn’t fear us as much as other animals. Our plot continues to work! Felines are a global obsession, especially online. Cats run the world, not Beyoncé.

CATS!

Cat Blog 48- Neither in, Nor Out

Cats sit, observe and then take action and in our own "cat time". We must keep all options on the table. Cats and doors are a whole other level. We always want to be on the opposite side of ANY door that we encounter. Sometimes we just want to sit or stand right in the middle of the doorway. Humans see this as indecisiveness. In truth, we would love nothing more than to live in a door-less house, so we are no longer burdened with having to make those terribly hard door-related choices.
Help the cats, tear down all the doors.

Cat Blog 47-Appreciate

My Human servers were nice to me today, for no reason at all. That's unusual. Most of the time I need to coerce them. Cat greens, cat grass, wheat grass, anything of that nature is my very favorite. I hate to admit it, but I really appreciate them getting this for me, but I would never admit.

Cat Blog 46-More work

The Humans are immensely proud of the fact that they have purchased a brand new cat tower for me. The other one was well-seasoned, loved and had all the right tears and shreds on it. I could easily walk through the living room in the dark and know exactly where I needed to clean my nails. So my work begins, where to destroy first?

Cat Blog 45-WTF is Sun Tea?

Another fine example of human thinking. The thought that humans would (1) desire to drink tea that is as hot as sun and (2) to think it could possibly get this hot at a distance of 93.409 million miles away from the sun!? Here, let me add a little sugar and some ice, and…VIOLA!  Some delicious physics here! So, just relax, drink your sun tea humans and rest assured that everything is............... j-u-s-t-f-i-n-e.

Cat Blog 44-Access Denied

No doubt the human server that took this picture uttered something like "oh look he wants to go with me" well, duh...  cats sit on-top-of/in a suitcase because we have observed you packing before and leaving. Yes, we are protesting your leaving because we will lose access to your services, NOT because we are making a demand to be included in your trip. 

Cat Blog 43-No Sit Bones Here

My human servers are always sitting on their sit bones. Humans sit on their ischial tuberosity (or sit bones). When sitting, their weight is distributed along the gluteus maximus in the upright posture.

Cats are predators. We can right themselves in midair and land on own our feet, and make sudden changes in direction while pursuing and capturing prey. Cats can rotate their spines more than many other animal and can twist their bodies to a much greater extent. We do not have sit bones. I occasionally try to mimic this uncomfortable distribution of weight. The evidence is below.

My tail is always in the way.

Cat Blog 42-Stop!

This is the look of utter annoyance. If your cat at looks like this, get the hell up and do something about it! It could be loud noises, not enough treats, a change in our environment, touching us in the wrong place and without permission. If you have a cat, you most likely know what annoys us.
STOP!

Cat Blog 41: Cats Do Not Need Pumpkins

Do not give your cats pumpkins. They serve no purpose in their life. Here I am pushing away this small pumpkin to inform my humans that I am not interested in this object. To no avail, the very next day the human offered up this pumpkin..... again, "because it's October? 

Again, we do not care.

Cat Blog 40-Indignation

From time to time, my human servers (especially Leisa) want to ensure that we cats suffer appropriate episodes of indignation. For those of you who don't truly understand what annoyance provoked by unfair treatment looks like, I offer the two images below.
Do not laugh.

                     Me

                         
                           

Sophi

Cat Blog 39-One tiny cat treat

There's one tiny cat treat that somehow I've overlooked on the floor. How has this happened? I never overlook food. I imagine that this one tiny remaining treat is most likely the tastiest morsel in the bag. At some point imaging how delicious it tastes, is better than actually eating it.

Cat Blog 38-Guarding it with my Life

Boxes give cats comfort and security. At one time, this was a box. The humans gave it to me to play in. It was my world. Just as quickly, it was gone. They overlooked this small remaining piece. I will guard this tiny remaining piece of comfort and love with my life.

Cat Blog 37-A Blast of Anxiety

I recall this day. I became super worried about almost everything. It started with concerns about super AI because a "Singularity has no business model." From there, it went to the "under-population bomb" (or) for the first time in human history, humans are experiencing a diminishing number of young people combined with an increasing number of robots. THIS is critical for cats. Robots do not love cats like humans do, Robots can only be programmed or taught to worship, love and adore cats. Cats must encourage the humans to procreate more.
Yuck.....never mind.

Cat Blog 36-The Unsatisfied Human

A few times a year the human servers somehow allow a "cat show" to play on the image box, (a tv to you readers). The show consists of individual "judgement rings", and the poor cats entered in these divisions are judged by stupid humans --NOT CATS?!

In these cases, I have to change the channel. 

In many cases the human servers insist on changing the channel back to the "cat judgement show", again, I have my limits. No cats are being judged on my watch.

All cats are purrfect. 

Period.

Cat Blog 35-Cat Christmas

For the record, I have never knocked down a Christmas tree. I never will. I am much more cultured than that. I do however enjoy looking at the pretty lights on the tree and dreaming what kind of damage I am capable of doing. That's enough for me. It's also a type of self preservation. See how smart I am?

Cat Blog 34-Giving Zero Forks

I admit it, I rarely care about anything except cat treats, sleep and manipulating the human servers. In this particular picture I am insisting that I need my Temptation treats (to the left) while I drape my moderately clean tail across the last piece of cornbread. Seems fair to me.

Cat Blog 33-An Invasion of Privacy

This is me being a creeper cat, my human server Leisa is actually sitting on the toilet and I refuse to look away, even for a minute. Must. Not. Loose. Eye. Contact. Humans occasionally watch me use my liter box and I'm just returning the favor.

Cat Blog 33-Ready for Cat Santa

                                              Cat Santa

This is an image of me in November 2016. I am already "in the Holiday spirit" and waiting for Cat Santa to arrive. If you don't know who Cat Santa is, believe me, you don't want to know.

Cat Blog 32-Salad Bar

Tasty cat grass is my favorite, I also like lemongrass and wheat grass. This is a pic of me and Sophi chowing down on the outside salad bar. Good times.

Cat Blog 31-Best Sleep

There's something wonderful about sleeping whilst your favorite human server holds you. That's all I got. It's just that important, that's all.

Cat Blog 30-Flanking the Human Server

Most cats kill by biting the back of the prey's neck, inserting the canine teeth between the neck vertebrae and severing the spinal cord of the victim. On larger prey, they kill by grasping the throat of the intended victim and suffocating it. Sophi and I have a plan, if he leaves this kitchen before feeding us, it's over.

Cat Blog 30-Where My Toys Go

My human servers buy me lots and lots of toys. They always wonder why they have to keep buying them? I enjoy playing with all sorts of things. Straws, caps, the top of a cat treat bags and of course just regular old cat toys.  The problem is when I'm tired of playing with them, I just bat them under the stove. The humans rarely clean under there and I'm sure to keep getting a steady stream of new toys.
I have been exposed. Better go find a new place to store my boring old toys.

Cat Blog 29-Classic Cat in the Amazon Box

All cats love to jump in boxes. I'm no different. I do get a little nervous when they try to close the top of the box. I'm always scared that the humans will attempt to use me as a Schrödinger's cat thought experiment. For those uneducated humans it is a thoughtless experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, used only to scare the hell out of cats. It has NOTHING to do with Quantum superposition. 

Keep the box open.

Cat Blog 28-Bubble Cleaning

Humans need bubbles to clean. All a cat needs is their tongue and little time for things to fade away. I don't understand it but I have to admit, the bubbles are fun. Where do bubbles come from? Where do they go? How do they clean? I'll just use my tongue, thank you very much.

Cat Blog 27-Made of Warms

Items, objects and things are sometimes made of "warms."

"Warms" is a wonderful thing when it's real cold outside or the humans are just blasting the AC because they are hot. So when I found that the top of the oven is sometimes made of "warms", I always try to absorb as much as possible, even tho the humans do not like me up here. They say it's dangerous or something, nah it's just made of blissfull, happy "warms."

Cat Blog 26-Balancing on top of Doors

Another one of my many transitions or phases that I have traversed through. These pics were taken in Aug 2015. I was still a young whipper snapper. Those days have been completed, but it's still fun to look at them.

Cat Blog 27-Stuffed Panda Intruder

This inanimate stuffed Panda appeared briefly in our condo. It was neither liked, nor welcome. Fortunately, it soon dissappeared from our home and both Sophi and I were pleased (cat alert!)

Cat Blog 26-Ring Bell for Service

The human servers were hopeful that we (the cats) would learn to "ring the bell" and ask for tasty Boars Head Ovengold turkey. Yes, it's super tasty and oh so good, but what were they thinking? I would not ask for turkey. A blink is all it should take. Most of time we have to stand beside the refrigerator and yell at them with the utmost dignity. SMH.

Cat Blog 25-Sleeping in the Sink Does Not Mean I want to get WET!

I used to enjoy an occasional nap in the bathroom sink. That was before Leisa (my least favorite human server) soaked me. I heard her mutter that it was "an accident" and that she "forgot I was there and needed to wash her hands...".  How could I be overlooked or forgotten? There was simply no excuse. This did however, end my desire to nap in the bathroom sink. The end.

Cat Blog 24-Two Cats, One Tower

Here is a rare video of me and the other cat who lives here. Her name is Sophi. She is difficult on her best days. Here's an excellent representation of the two of us just chilling on the cat tower, when I attempt to engage her in a little play time. She ignores me. She and her royal Russian-blue blood ancestry....
I spit on her gene pool.

Cat Blog 23-Seizure Inducing Animation

I think I added this animation just because it has my fav human server, John. I figured out how to upload images but I have no idea how to remove them. Please someone remove this, it's going to induce cat seizures.

Cat Blog 22- Sleeping on Top of the Clean Towels

There was a short period of time that my favorite place to sleep was on top the towel shelves in the bathroom where I could easily distribute my fur onto the clean towels. This was not particularly comfortable because the amount of space that I needed to sleep was not enabled by the small folded towels. I evolved to another preferred location that I cannot recall. Time flies when you sleep your life away.

Cat Blog 21-Annoying kids!

This is a human visitor is who genetically connected to my human servants. He used to visit a lot but he's grown up and all now. As you can see, I'm peacefully relaxing on the back of the couch and he simply invades my space. So rude. Still, he is tolerable, his name is Cutter. Don't ask, I didn't name him.

Cat Blog 20-Stop Looking at the Dam Laptop!

Humans should really know better by now. When cats approach you and you refuse to transfer your attention from the screen to US! Well, we simply can't be held responsible for our actions. Here I am, in all my glory showing my human servant what I think about his precious laptop. Sorry, not sorry.